TOW: the Tiny T-Shirt

Ross and Rachel: Gunther waits on Rachel in Central Perk; the entire time he considers asking her out, but doesn't make a move. Mark meets Rachel there and asks her out. Gunther storms out and we hear him break a cup. Rachel talks to Phoebe about Mark's offer, but she's not sure she's ready to date. She still feels like dating Mark would be like cheating on Ross. Phoebe tells Rachel she's not over Ross yet and has issues with her dad. Ross goes to Chandler and Joey's, bragging about how Rachel asked him to come over. He thinks they're getting back together. He goes to Monica and Rachel's and Rachel gives him a box of his stuff. He's surprised, but acts like Rachel's right when she says they need to move on from each other. He looks through the box and notices a coffee mug he gave Rachel as a gift; he's angry she's giving it to him. They argue about it; Rachel offers to take it, but Ross won't give it to her. Ross gets mad and says that all of his stuff isn't in the box. He goes through the apartment and takes everything that belongs to him, including Rachel's favorite sleep shirt, an old "Frankie Say RELAX" shirt of Ross's. Rachel's furious he takes her favorite shirt, knowing he's only doing it out of spite. Ross puts it on to prove that he likes it and can wear it. It's skin tight and several inches too short, showing his tummy. Chandler and Ross head to Chandler's, on their way to the the apartment they pass Rachel and Mark going on a date. Ross is heartbroken. He stands at Chandler's peephole for hours, waiting for Rachel and Mark to get home, and obsessing over whether or not they'll kiss. Rachel and Mark come home, but go into the apartment. Ross flips out, planning to go over to Monica and Rachel's and interrupt. Chandler keeps him from going, convincing him that Rachel's moving on and he needs to, as well. Mark kisses Rachel, but Rachel can't get into it. She tells Mark she only dated him to get back at Ross. Mark says he's okay with being what she uses to get back at Ross (he's joking...mostly). Rachel declines the offer. Rachel comes home from work and Monica tells her Ross left her a box of her stuff. Rachel expected Ross to react like that, but she's surprised and pleased when she finds the "Frankie say" t-shirt in the box.

Joey: comes into Monica and Rachel's, doing a little cheer. Apparently, he got the lead role in a play and is quite excited. Joey goes to the first rehearsal and hits on his co-star, Kate (Dina Meyer); she's not interested. She thinks Joey's familiar, but can't place him. It's not from his stint as Dr. Drake Ramoray, but she mocks him from being a soap actor. Kate finally realizes she knows Joey from the milk spout infomercial. She makes fun of him. Joey complains to the gang about Kate. She told the whole cast about his milk infomercial. They now ask Joey to open their drinks and laugh at him. At another rehearsal, Kate asks the director why her character's supposed to be attracted to Joey. Joey retaliates. Joey storms into the apartment, pissed at Kate. She thinks she's friggin' awesome because she went to Yale Drama. Chandler points out that Joey's attracted to her. The next rehearsal, Joey kisses her deeply when they run a scene. The kiss causes her to change her view of Joey. He asks her out for coffee, but she's dating the director.

Monica: continues dating Pete, though she's still not attracted to him. They come home from a date and she quickly kisses him on the cheek and goes inside. She talks to the gang about how perfect Pete is, but that she still isn't attracted to him at all. Pete hangs out with everyone in Central Perk; they bug him about being a millionaire. When he leaves, instead of kissing him, Monica fluffs his hair. She complains to the gang that Pete is a wonderful guy, pretty much perfect for her, but she doesn't really feel a connection. She goes to a ribbon cutting ceremony at a hospital with Pete. He asks her where their relationship is going. She attempts to avoid the real issue, but ends up telling him she's just not attracted to him. He takes it pretty well because he's sure she'll change her mind. He asks her to leave the ribbon cutting and go get dinner with him. He quickly cuts the ribbon and they leave.

Chandler and Phoebe: Phoebe talks to Rachel about her issues with Mark and Ross. Chandler jumps on Ross's back to keep him from interrupting Mark and Rachel. He also tells Ross it's time to move on. Chandler talks to Joey about the rude actress, and is the first to figure out that Joey's attracted to her. He and Phoebe have a long conversation about why Spider-Man is named Spider-Man, and not Spiderman, like a last name. At the the end, Phoebe and Chandler are at his place, in the recliners. They're making superheroes out of people with last names that end in 'man.' They use Goldman and Tupperman. Then they have a recliner duel. It's epic.

• Ross acts like it's all Rachel's fault they're not together anymore. He talks about the "crazy fog" having lifted after she asks him to come over. Get over yourself, Ross.
  

• The tiny t-shirt

Ross sure has some nice arms for a paleontologist. Maybe it's lifting all those giant bones?

• Ross effing loses it when Rachel goes out with Mark. I can understand why he freaks out, it's sorta his worst fear coming true, but he's also totally unreasonable about it.
  

Chandler finally freaking calls Ross out on his hypocrisy. Ross is upset that Rachel's dating so soon after they broke up, and Chandler has to remind him that he slept with another woman three hours after Ross thought he and Rachel broke up. Yes, Chandler has to remind him of that.

• I love Pete, but I care very little about Pete and Monica in this episode. I do think it's nice that Monica's obviously not after Pete for his money. Oh, and Joey's stuff is funny, but I'm not that interested.
  

• Phoebe and Chandler are WONDERFUL.

The Spider-Man, Spiderman, conversation is the most randomly amazing thing EVER. And, uh, the have a recliner duel. A. Recliner. Duel.
Brilliant.

Because.

Oh. My. God.

"I gave you a key for emergencies!"
"We were out of Doritos." -Monica and Phoebe, when Monica finds Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler hanging out in her apartment.

"Mr. Millionaire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately." -Chandler, after Ross calls Pete 'Mr. Millionaire.'

"Oh mommy, oh daddy, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommy, oh daddy, I am a big old baddie!" -Joey's song, when he gets the part in the play.

" Yeah, either that or Gloria Estefan was right, eventually, the rhythm is going to get you." -Chandler, on why Joey was singing and dancing.

"Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted and she realizes that life without me sucks." -Ross, pondering the reasons Rachel wanted to see him.

"What, like, Petetakota?"
"Yeah, or, or, or MississiPete." -Pete and Phoebe, thinking up names for the state Pete's going to buy.

"Okay, I'm running out of places I can touch him!" -Monica, having fluffed Pete's hair before he left.

"Y'know uh, I--I don't know why my character likes you either. I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch."
"It doesn't say that in the script."
"It does in mine!" -Joey and Kate, after Kate questions her character's attraction to Joey's.

"You bug me." -Ross, to Chandler complaining about his cowlick.

"You can't just stare through the peephole for three hours! You're gonna get peep-eye!" -Chandler, to Ross, who's trying to spy on Rachel and Mark.

"You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean, bullets have left guns slower!" -Chandler, to Ross's complaining about Rachel dating Mark.

"And the inventor of doors rests happily in his grave." -Chandler, to Ross, who's freaking out because he can't see Rachel and Mark anymore.

"And unless you're thinking about subletting my peephole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over!" -Chandler, to Ross.

"Is it just me or does 'subletting my peephole' sound kind of dirty?" -Chandler.

"I can just go home and get back at him by myself." -Mark, to Rachel, after she shot down his idea about getting back at Ross on the couch.

"Well, with all these doctors and nurses, I'm gonna say, midget rodeo." -Monica, to Pete, after he asks her where they are.

"She thinks she's like the greatest actress since--since, sliced bread!"
"Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady Macbeth." -Joey and Chandler, talking about Kate.

"No, it's not like--like Phil Spiderman. He's a spider, man. Y'know like ah, like Goldman is a last name, but there's no Gold Man." -Chandler, explaining to Phoebe that Spider-Man isn't his last name.