TOW: all the Rugby

Ross, Joey, Phoebe: Ross and Emily (Helen Baxendale) are out walking. Emily's a little freaked out about walking at night in the city, but Ross reassures her; he's never worried about being out at night. Out of nowhere, two huge guys run up and grab Emily, carrying her off. Ross starts yelling for help, but Emily's okay. The guys are her friends from back home, Liam and Devon. They're both pretty big guys, especially Liam. Emily catches up with the guys, and we learn that she and Liam used to be lovers. Ross gets super possessive of Emily. Liam invites Ross to play rugby with them, but Emily laughs at the idea. Ross wants to prove himself, so he agrees. Ross goes to Joey and Chandler's to watch rugby on ESPN. Joey can't believe that Ross's actually going to try to play rugby; it's an incredibly brutal sport. In the spirit of the thing, Joey gives Ross a little lesson on the playing of rugby. Phoebe wants to know why Ross is going through all the trouble in the first place. Ross explains about feeling threatened by Liam, who's a huge, tough looking dude. Rachel laughs at Ross trying to be manly, but he's sure he can do it. His plan is to be energetic and stay away from the ball. Ross, Joey, and Phoebe go to the game the next day. Joey lists all the guys Ross needs to stay away from. Ross is still sure he'll be fine, but knows he's going to have to go 'red Ross.' Neither Joey nor Phoebe know what 'red Ross' means; Ross explains, but neither of them have any idea what he's talking about. Emily asks her friends to go easy on Ross, of course she does this at a moment when Ross is being particularly idiotic. Ross jumps into the scrum. Ross gets tackled by, like, every man in the game. It's only half-time, and Ross is already limping. He sends Emily off to get him some water, and when she's gone Ross tells Phoebe and Joey that he's in a lot of pain. Emily urges Ross to quit, but Ross isn't interested. He's still doing 'red Ross.' Emily gives Ross tips on how to hurt the other guys. He rejoins the game, making a growly, shriek-roar thing, which help Phoebe and Joey remember 'red Ross.' After the game, they all come into Central Perk. Ross is seriously beaten up, but he's happy. He played the whole game, and even hurt some other guys pretty bad. He's proud of himself, which makes the pain not so bad. Joey and Phoebe are also kind of in with Monica trying to find what the light switch goes to. At the end, Phoebe thinks she's controlling Joey and Chandler's tv flicking on and off.

Chandler: goes to get his nails done with Rachel. I don't know why, or how he gets talked into it, he's just there. Anyway, Rachel's sitting on a broken nail, and the nail reminds Chandler of Janice. So, of course, Janice walks in the door. Chandler brings Janice back to the apartment with him. Joey screams when he sees her. She greets everyone and leaves. Chandler isn't interested in being with her; he's able to see all of her irritating qualities. He has plans with Janice that evening, but he's also going to end it with her. Rachel doesn't think he'll be able to, because he can't ever break up with Janice. Chandler isn't looking at it as a break up, though, since they aren't technically dating. They end up in Central Perk, with Janice talking about how excited she is to be back with Chandler. She thinks it's fate that she divorced her husband, and Chandler just got out of a relationship. Chandler attempts to tell her his doubts, but she's not having any of it. Chandler runs out of things to say, so he tells Janice his company is transferring him overseas. She's excited, thinking it'll be somewhere exotic and European, but Chandler tells her they're sending him to Yemen. Janice wants to spend every possible moment she can with him before he leaves. Chandler tells her he's leaving the next day. Instead of deterring her, she comes back to the apartment with him, deciding to help him pack. She actually makes him get boxes and a huge roll of bubble wrap. Joey seriously thinks Chandler's leaving and is pretty upset, until Chandler tells him the truth. Janice insists on taking Chandler to the airport the next day. She's confused about why none of his friends seemed that concerned about his leaving. Chandler tells her good-bye, but Janice has no intention of leaving. Chandler tries to get the ticket-counter woman to give him a fake ticket, but she's pretty dense and doesn't get it. Janice thinks Chandler might not have to go, getting excited at the prospect, so Chandler buys a ticket to Yemen. Chandler's flight is almost finished boarding, but he's still waiting for Janice to leave. Chandler has to get on the plane, but he runs back as soon as he thinks Janice isn't looking. She sees him, and though he tries to ignore her, he can't. Chandler tells her he came back for one last kiss. He wants her to leave, but she's going to stay until the plane takes off. Chandler has to go to Yemen.

Monica and Rachel: Monica finds a light switch that doesn't seem to go to anything. It's driving her crazy, so she asks Joey what it does. Joey says it doesn't do anything. Rachel comes home one evening, and Monica tells her that she found four outlets that don't work, and maybe the switch controls one of them. Monica and Phoebe plug loud appliances into each of those outlets, hoping that they'll be able to find which outlet is controlled by the switch. Monica turns the switch on, there's a noise, but it's only Joey humming. Rachel comes home another day, and Monica's bought the electrical plans for the building. She can't let the switch thing go, but neither her or Rachel know how to read the plans. Again Rachel comes home, this time she finds drawings taped up all over the apartment. Monica put them up to cover all the holes she made in the wall. She followed the wire that goes from the switch until she lost it behind the baseboard. There are holes in the floor and ceiling. Finally, Monica gives up with the switch. She's called in the super and an expensive electrician, but neither of them could help. Monica's also been shocked several times. She flips the switch a few times, and we cut to Chandler and Joey's apartment. The tv keeps turning off and on, and Phoebe thinks she's using mind control to do it.

• Rugby episode, I heart thee.

Where does he get his rugby clothes?

• You know what I particularly like about it? Making references to 'red Ross' and people not getting it. I appreciate the irony.

• And Yemen!! I can't watch the news, anything about the country of Yemen, without saying "I'm going to Yemen!!" several times in quick succession.

• I'd really like to know the conversation that proceeded Chandler and Rachel going to the nail salon.

• Emily's friends are Liam and Devon. I mean, they're British, obviously they have to have incredibly stereotypical British names.

• I'm not entirely clear on this, did Emily and Liam have a one-night-stand after the U2 concert or were they, y'know, dating?

Liam's in the grey and red.

• How does Joey know about rugby? But more importantly, why?
  

• I think it pretty cute that Ross plays rugby to impress Emily. He really must like her to get the shit kicked out him.

• The thing with Monica and the light switch makes me life. I don't know why; I just find it beautifully obsessive.

Gah, do you remember when everybody did pigtails like that???

• Rachel's really excited because she feels Joshua's pulse. I wish Joshua didn't have a friggin pulse.

• The 'red Ross' thing came from a fight Ross get in with some dude in line to see Dances with Wolves... Alright then...

• Oh, Ross and the exploding Styrofoam cup.
  

No dignity. None at all.
I really hate Emily's coat.

• This coat (because, apparently, I have an issue with them today)...I'm not a member of PETA, though I support their general ideas (I have some problems with zealotry that I'm really not going to get in to), but this coat makes me cringe. Cringe to my very toes.

Is it just me, or does she kinda look like Cher in this picture? Okay, Cher with really bad teeth.

• RED ROSS!!!!

Oh. My. God.

"Well, here's another question for you. Uh, do you know what that silver knob on the toilet does?

"Sure! It flushes it."

"Okay, good. Now, since you know, when you come over would you mind actually using it?" -Rachel and Joey, on how to flush a toilet.

"Yeah, I know, but all of those little things she did before we fell in love? Like her voice, her laugh, her personality--Well, they're all back! Y'know? And she's picked up like nine new ones!" -Chandler, explaining how he feels about Janice.

"So, what are you doing bringing her here?! There's people here!" -Joey, after Chandler brings Janice over.

"My ass is like frozen!!" -Chandler, after he stands with his back to the open fridge.

"Well, I mean, you're American to start with. You don't even have rugby here."

"Well, we didn't have freedom here until 1776, either, so..." -Emily and Ross, when he agrees to play rugby.

"Oh my God, that's so freaky! Turn him off!" -Phoebe, when everyone thinks Joey's humming is an appliance noise.

"Dude, you're not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport." -Joey, to Ross, about Ross' manliness.

"Ohhh, good one! And Yemen! That actually sounds like a real country!" -Joey, to Chandler, when Chandler explains about Yemen.

"Joey, trade lives with me!"

"Nope." -Chandler and Joey.

"And is a hum kinda like a scuddle?"

"Ross! They're gonna kill you!" -Ross and Joey, after Joey explains a scrum.

"You're right, you are a tough guy. You're the toughest paleontologist I know." -Rachel, to Ross, again with the manliness.

"Well, maybe that's because you're closer to you. So, you look bigger to you from where you are." -Joey logic.

"Okay, I know what I have to do. I've got to go red Ross. Y'know, red Ross!!" -Ross, explaining red Ross.

"I was showing him some cuff links and I felt his pulse."

"Saucy!" -Rachel and Monica, about Joshua.

"Your friends don't really seem to care too much that you're leaving."

"Well, we're really not that close." -Janice and Chandler, when no one cares he's moving to Yemen.

"I'm red Ross!"

"Dude, if you go back out there, you're going to be dead Ross!" -Ross and Joey, on why Ross needs to stop playing.

"Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel." -Chandler, explaining to Janice how long he'll have to be gone.

"I'm going to Yemen! When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?" -Chandler, really going to Yemen.