TOW: the Ride-Along

Ross, Chandler, and Joey: First thing's first: Emily's getting remarried the day after this episode takes place.

Anyhoo... The gang's at Central Perk when Phoebe and Gary come in. Phoebe went on a ride-along with Gary the night before, and the all the guys decide they want to go, too. They get their chance that very evening; with Chandler sorta freaking out about going when it will be dark outside. The night starts out great. Ross is having a fantastic time, but Chandler less so. The sun is setting, and Chandler's beginning to fear for his life. Joey comes back to the car with a meatball sandwich, one that he claims is better than sex, but Gary forbids him to eat it while in the car. Later on in the evening, a debate starts among the guys about who would make a better cop. Ross thinks it's him since he's already riding in the front seat, like Gary's partner would. Chandler and Joey make fun of him, justifiably, as Ross sets off the lights when Gary's supposed to be undercover. Gary banishes Ross to the backseat with the other two. They head over to a witness's apartment. The witness won't talk to Gary anymore, so Gary wants to confront him. They park by the witnesses place, and Chandler starts to freak out about being in danger. Gary remembers that he needs them to sign a release saying they won't sue the city if anything happens to them. The witness walks out of his apartment, acting suspiciously, when there's a loud bang like a gunshot. Joey, who's sitting in the middle, throws himself over Ross. It was only the sound of a car backfiring, but Chandler's hurt that Joey attempted to save Ross instead of him. They head back to Central Perk, and Gary tells Phoebe what a hero Joey is. Chandler complains that they weren't in any real danger, so Joey's actions weren't very heroic. Then he storms upstairs. Joey follows him, and Chandler confronts him about saving Ross instead. At first, Joey thinks Chandler's upset because he wanted Ross to get hit, but eventually understands why Chandler's hurt. Joey tells Chandler that he saved Ross instead because he knew Chandler could take care of himself. Chandler doesn't buy that, still thinking that Joey cares about Ross more. Joey hesitatingly tells Chandler that he wasn't trying to save Ross, but his sandwich. To show Chandler how much he loves him, Joey gives Chandler a bite of the sandwich.

Rachel and Monica: Rachel comes home from work to find Monica in the living room, surrounded by piles of pictures. Monica's decided to organize all of their pictures in a very complicated filing system. She only has one box left to organize, and she asks Rachel to hand the box to her. Apparently it was pretty full of pictures, because as Rachel hands it over the bottom breaks open spilling pictures all over the already organized photos. Monica had spent hours organizing the photos, and can't go on now that it's all been ruined. To make Monica feel better, Rachel offers to make margaritas. The only problem is that Ross borrowed their blender. Rachel decides to run across the street to get the blender, and Monica suggests that Rachel also take any cash Ross left lying around. The first thing Rachel does while at Ross's is to break a dinosaur...thing. It's not real, but she panics and throws it in a wall sconce. She grabs the blender, but Monica calls to tell her they don't have any of the other ingredients for margaritas. Rachel ends up with tequila and the blender when she finds some cash on the coffee table, she's about to pocket it, but the phone rings again. The answering machine picks up, and Emily leaves a message about how she's getting married the next day, but having second thoughts about having ended things with Ross. Rachel takes a swig of tequila. She calls Monica over to have her listen to the message. Monica's advice is to erase it from Ross's machine. Rachel doesn't feel right doing that, but Monica lists all the reasons Ross shouldn't get back with Emily. Rachel agrees that Ross shouldn't be with Emily, but he still deserves the right to listen to the message and make his own decision. Rachel thinks Emily deserves the benefit of the doubt, and goes to play back the message again. She deletes it instead. Monica thinks everything is taken care of, and gathers up the rest of the margarita ingredients and Ross's money. Rachel doesn't feel right about keeping the call from Ross. She thinks maybe she could call, posing as Emily, and leave the message again, but she can't remember exactly what Emily said. Monica still thinks Rachel should leave it be, and doesn't want to talk about any other options. The phone rings again, this time it's Ross leaving a message to remind himself how lucky he is to be alive. Monica leaves, but Rachel waits for Ross to tell him about the call. She's trying to fix the thing she broke when Ross comes home. In her panic, Rachel throws the thing, probably breaking it again. Anyway, she tells Ross what happened, expecting him to make the right decision not to call Emily. Instead, Ross thinks that his near-death experience means he should take this chance with Emily. Rachel convinces him that maybe the day is all about escaping from things, like death and his crazy ex-wife. Ross notices the message light blinking, thinking maybe Emily's message didn't get erased, he hits play; it's the message he left for himself, which he quickly stops. Rachel gets ready to leave, but before she goes Ross tells her to make Monica give him his money back.

Phoebe: doesn't really do much this episode. Oh, but at the end they all discuss how they'd fair in a war.

• I don't get when they decided to make Chandler all nervous and paranoid. I don't like it.

• This makes my heart sorta freeze in place.

I like to think I'm considerably less neurotic than Monica, but still. Yikes.

• Monica steals cash from Ross...it's surprising and yet not so much, all at the same time.
  

• If the sandwich is better than the best sex Joey's ever had, why is this the first time we're hearing about this sandwich? And who's the best sex Joey's ever had?

• Every time I see this, I worry about the apartment burning down. Sad, no?

Ugh, the dragonfly. Couldn't it have broken when Ross moved?

• Ross's phone only rings one time before the machine picks up. Doesn't give you much of a chance to actually answer the phone, does it? I can totally see him sprinting for the living room, and tripping over the couch in his frenzy to answer it.

• I love this.

That's straight tequila, ya'll.

• Joey should totally be sitting in the front seat. Clearly, he'd make the best cop.

• I half expect an alien creature to come flying out of his chest.

• Uh, I can't believe that Monica thinks they should delete the message. That actually seems more like something Rachel would suggest.

• Consequences of a car backfire

Epic.

• Yeah...Joey was trying to save his sandwich...awesome?
  

• Really, calling Emily back is a horrible idea. Why would Ross even consider it? Just no.
  

• Ultimately it's Ross's decision whether to call her or not, but I can't blame Rachel for talking him out of it. Emily turned out to be kind of a horrible person.

The Magna Doodle Says
It's a neutral face.

Oh. My. God.

"We saw and prevented crimes." -Phoebe, to Monica, about her ride-along with Gary.

"Tonight? You--you didn't say it was going to be at nighttime." -Chandler, to Gary, about the ride-along.

"You can also find him under ummm, dog and dead." -Monica, explaining the photo organizational system to Rachel using a picture of Le Poo as an example.

"Ugh, everything's just falling apart!" -Monica, after the box of pictures breaks and ruins her system, and she remembers that Ross has the blender.

"Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya?"
"It's called the cherry." -Ross and Gary, after Chandler tells Ross the name for the single flashing light is 'berry.'

"Even though my tax dollars paid for this car."
"Your tax dollars?" -Joey and Chandler, after Gary refuses to let Joey eat his sandwich in the car.

"Made in Mexico! Yes!!" -Rachel, after she breaks a dinosaur thing at Ross's apartment.

"So all we have is ice?" -Rachel, to Monica, when Monica calls Rachel to ask her to get other ingredients from Ross's.

"Y'know, when you say partner, it doesn't sound cop. It sounds gay." -Chandler, to Ross, when they discuss which of them would make a better cop.

"Look at Officer Ross riding back her with the visitors."
'Yeah, what's up with that, Serpico?" -Chandler and Joey, teasing Ross after Gary banishes him to the backseat.

"She's obviously unstable, okay? I mean, she's thinking about running out on her wedding day. Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?! Okay, fine, all right, but that's, y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people." -Monica, to Rachel, about what Ross could do about Emily's phone call.

"Oh, it's nothing. It just says that you can't sue the city if you scrap your knee or, y'know, get your head blown off."
"Oh, hurry up, I want to sign that." -Gary and Chandler, about signing a release form on the ride-along.

"Well, if you're gonna be totally rational about this, I can't argue with you!" -Monica, to Rachel, about telling Ross that Emily called.

"Oh, maybe that's Emily calling back to leave the exact same message!" -Rachel, when Ross's phone rings.

"Wow! Play that message for Emily and this whole problem goes away!" -Monica, when Ross calls to leave himself a message.

"Hey Joe, you ever think about joining the force? We could use a guy like you."
"Who jumps at loud noises!" -Gary and Chandler, while Chandler's being bitter.

"I could've died tonight."
"Yeah, if the car that backfired had run over you!" -Ross and Chandler, still being bitter.

"Oh, I just went for a walk. Around the living room. Whatever..." -Chandler, to Joey, when Joey comes to see how he's doing.

"Alright, look, I--I wasn't trying to save Ross, okay? My sandwich was next to Ross. Alright? I was--I was trying to save my sandwich." -Joey, explaining his actions to Chandler.

"So you risked your life for a sandwich!" -Chandler, to Joey.

"And somebody took a shot at me!!!" -Ross, telling Rachel what happened.

"Ugh, Ross! That was not a near death experience! That was barely even an experience!" -Rachel, to Ross, when he wants to call Emily.

"I think I would make a fantastic military leader. I mean, I know I'd make General way before any of you guys."
"Before or after you were shot by your own troops?" -Monica and Chandler, during the discussion of how they'd do in a war.

"I know where Joey would be. He'd be down in the foxhole protecting all of us."
"Yes. If the foxhole was lined with sandwiches." -Ross and Chandler.